So for the past couple of months, I've been looking for an assistant. I posted the job opening on a number of sites that would theoretically attract the sorts of candidates who would thrive in this work environment. I was shocked at the break down of the applicants: 50% sharks, 45% minnows, 5% solid, appropriately-qualified contenders.
To illustrate my experience:
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Sample Cover Letter A
To who it concerns:
I have great interest in the communications assistnat position with the White House. My acceptional writing and verbal skills make me an ideal canidate who will suite your needs. My attention to details is second to nun and I’m a really, really, really good writer.
Also, I love kids.
Sincerely,
Molly P. Minnow
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Sample Cover Letter B
Dear Ms. Courtney Marie Sanders:
As you can tell from my salutation, I took the time and effort to determine the identity of the individual conducting the initial stage of the hiring process -- you. Not only do I know your name, but I also know that you are the Secretary of the Alexandria Young Republicans, author of a mediocre blog that has been viewed a total of twelve times, and that your last boyfriend was a Batman-loving politico with a predilection for weiner dogs.
This is indicative of my dedication, my resourcefulness, and my ambition.
If you are half as intelligent as you should be to work at your esteemed firm, you will seize the opportunity to meet with me. When granted an interview, I will illuminate for you why I am brilliant, and how in six months time I will stage a successful coup and ascend to the level of Managing Director. Fret not, dear Courtney, I am fully prepared to offer you a handsome promotion in recognition of your greatest professional accomplishment: hiring me.
I look forward to cutting my baby shark teeth on your professional flesh.
Regards,
Heather Hammerhead
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I am happy to report that a candidate from the ten percent pool was selected for the position.
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